Oh, to be Still

For the past few months, I have been in the preliminary stages of setting up a research design that I will actually delegate come this fall. However, it has been a lot of extra work (think adding an extra 3-credit class to your college load). I have been researching like crazy to find sources for the paper I will write and to offer background information to the research I will eventually delegate. I have been working away at filling out forms and editing those same forms several times over and e-mailing institutions across the country in order to request permission to use their previous collected data in my research. It has been an intimidating process for me, as I never thought I would consider myself a researcher.

I have never had so many edits in a single form/paper ever in my life, but I am so thankful for an advisor who cares enough to call me at 10pm to discuss my research and paper with me and is truly engaged in this project along with me. Perhaps her input means so much to me because I know she cares. It just goes to show that how you reach out to others is by revealing your heart and compassion before you ever offer your experience or knowledge. God's heart is for relationship first, and allowing the growth to come later.

I have discovered this to be true from both perspectives. If I ever expect someone to feel loved by me, it is not as a result of how much I know, but the depth to which I care for them. If I expect to feel loved by someone else, it is because they first showed me how much compassion they had for me. The knowledge and input and conviction all comes later.

This is not exactly and epiphany moment for me, but instead a great convicting reminder that I am not called to shove information down someone's throat, nor am I obligated to only seek out information and knowledge from God. He wants me to seek HIM and His kingdom first, not His knowledge (though this is a healthy thing to seek after as long as the healthy, growing relationship is there)!
 
Although I have much yet to learn, maybe it is time I took a step back to allow the compassion of God's heart to find me again. Be still and know that He is God, right? I find myself wandering back to this verse more often than not, and I cannot help but think that God wants me close. He wants me to gain knowledge and wisdom, but without understanding the depths of His love for me and for others, what is knowledge, really?

So today, this is what I find myself thinking about and growing in gratitude for. I am tired of chasing after something that is meaningless aside from God's love and the relationship He always has had planned for me to take a hold of.

The question is, will you drop your busy schedule for the sake of seeking Him? Will you put your mind aside and just let His presence draw you near, feelings or no feelings? Will you go beyond attempting to comprehend Scripture in some new way for Him to reveal something to you in His creation or in your daily life? Don't get too caught up in your calling to miss out on the beautifully mundane moments that God can transform to divine.

Be a willing and open heart today, that your mind might seek Him first, and that He might find you where you are. Be still, and know that He is God. In every moment. All the time. After all, His name is I Am, not I Was or I Will Be. I AM.

On Personality Tests and Excuses

Being a psychology major is so much fun. In fact, next semester, I get to administer a whole stream of tests to find out a whole lot more about myself than I am probably ready for (nonetheless, I am STOKED). However, there is one personality test out there that is fairly universal, and the majority of my generation seems to be fairly excited (if not obsessed) about. Perhaps you have heard of it: The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

In case you have yet to hear of it, it is a personality test that asks you a series of questions (the legitimate test one pays for is a rather large sum of questions). Your answers to these questions are analyzed and produce results regarding your introversion (I) or extroversion (E) levels, sensing (S) or intuition (N) levels, thinking (T) or feeling (F) levels, and judging (J) or perceiving (P) levels. As noted in the parenthesis, each word has a corresponding letter. There are four letters assigned to whoever finishes the test, providing the ability to have 16 different sets of results.

Based on your results, you can read up on your "personality type." It is helpful in understanding other people, as well as yourself. The results tend to be at least somewhat accurate, if not encompassing a lot of who you are into a few short paragraphs. I have taken the test several times, and even when I decide to answer a little differently than normal, Myers-Briggs never fails to give me the same results of ISFJ. I am an introverted, sensing, feeling, and judging personality type, which just so happens to be the most common personality type out there in terms of Myers-Briggs personality types.

I take a lot of pride in my personality. I like knowing that, as an ISFJ, I feel burnt out a lot for a reason. It helps me to calm down when I realize how much I care about others; though it is something I love doing, understanding this about myself allows me to force taking some time for myself. This is only one example of many in regards to how this test has helped me better understand myself.

However, sometimes I think I (as well as so many others) take these test results to the extreme. Instead of using the results to balance ourselves out between extroversion and introversion, we teeter completely to the introverted side using the excuse of "I'm an introvert, so it is okay to ignore them," or "I'm an extrovert, so taking time for myself isn't an option" (sorry extroverts if that isn't an issue you deal with--I really try and understand!). Either perception you have of yourself, you are probably going to give into it, allowing more margin for that specific trait in your life.

I guess to sum this all up (because if it is too long, in a moment of honesty, who would read it?), my point is that you can't take test results and apply them to your life and become them. They help you understand your weak areas as well as your strong. It is not bad to be introverted or extroverted. What is bad is using the label as an excuse or allowing the trait to develop laziness in your life. For a quick, personal example, I for one have used the excuse of being an introvert not to take time for someone who was in need. I did not help them with their question. I did not even say hello when they so obviously were waiting for acknowledgement. I used the excuse to myself that I am an introvert, so that person can find an extrovert who wants to help or at least say something to me first.

Owning your personality is one thing, but hiding behind it is something completely different. Allow the weakness to open up as areas of growth in your life. I know I want to change for the better, and perhaps learning to balance introversion and extroversion is healthier than teetering to one side or the other. We all need people, and we all need alone time, just the same. I want to be sensing and intuitive, thinking and feeling, perceiving and judging. Sometimes, all it takes is accepting who you are, and then choosing to grow into what you are yet to be.  One must rise to the occasion instead of using excuses. I know I want to rise to the occasion and use the personality God gave me to bless the world. However, I also do not want the enemy to grab a hold of the beautiful personality God gave me specifically and make it something less than what it was intended for.

So, as always, be blessed! Take charge of your personality--don't let it keep you from greatness!

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. - Romans 12:2

The Opportunities of Being "Off"

This week has been a very off week for me. Normally I am the punctual person; the one who gets work done ahead of time and even any possible extra credit. I am that academic sort of goody-two-shoes who arrives to class early, reads everything she is supposed to, and avoids the social activities for the sake of a grade. 

However, this week has been completely and ever so....Off. 

I found myself missing classes for homework and group projects. I was scrambling right before class to get work done. Nothing seemed to be going right. I arrived to work late, went to bed extra late, and woke up early with the hope of enough time and ability to exert some level of concentration and effort. However, that is just the surface of this week.

You know how a light bulb only works when it is plugged in? Even then, it only has so much ability to produce light before it just has to be thrown away altogether. I think when we refer to a person as such, we use the term "burnt out." Well, my light bulb was nearing its end. However, this week, I found my time to recharge and restore in the most uncanny of moments. What follows is a brief synopsis:

Tuesday: I was supposed to meet up with someone to conduct an interview as part of a class project. Due to communication failures, I missed work for the sake of this interview in vain. However, I took advantage of the waiting time to work on homework. In the midst of realizing that all I could do was wait for my interviewee to show up, I gained peace and just worked on homework. There can be something very peaceful about waiting in the midst of chaos and setting aside all you have to do....Allowing yourself to focus on one thing and one thing alone.

Wednesday: I again attempted an interview, this time with a different interviewee. I was ready to miss a mandatory chapel if I had to for this interview. I skipped a class (ironically the class this project was/is for) to make this happen. However, my project partner and I called the interviewee with no response. We waited for a call back, and still nothing. So I sat there on a bench in a quiet hallway and just prayed. It was not an extravagant moment; but again, it was a peaceful moment where I realized I could not do anything about it. There is such a peace in accepting the fact that you cannot do anything more.

Thursday: I woke up early to work on homework that was due later that day. I then received a text from someone to interview, and they wanted to get together that evening. In the midst of figuring out a time, I did not get the rest of my homework done for class that day. I was going to have to miss an evening class to make this happen. However, blessings were reaped. I still managed to get everything taken care of for my class that day, my dinner was paid for as a result of the interview, and I missed my night class, a PE class, offering my swollen, painful ankle to rest (the joys of tendinitis). This week has been all about learning to rest, to be OK with where I am at, and to find peace in knowing who God is (and letting that be enough).

OK, so maybe that was not quite the definition of a brief synopsis, but the point is that a lot of uneasy events ended up being little reminders and blessings from my heavenly Father to rescue me away from my stress and rest in His presence of peace. Sometimes when you choose to go hard for too long, He calls you out of that. He didn't created the Sabbath and make it holy for nothing.

So, this takes me back to the title of this post. Off. I need to take time off from being busy and just simply be. This is when we find satisfaction. Being in the presence of God is a beautiful thing that you never have to walk out of. To constantly consider yourself as in the presence of God will change the way you view the moments in which you are in a rush but waiting in line for your caffeine boost at Starbucks. It is a chance to experience a moment of peace, or rest in His presence, and to remind yourself that as the bride of Christ you are called to rest in Him, to be still and know who He is.

Psalm 46:10 says "be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted among the earth."

The "be still" in this verse comes from the Hebrew word "rapha," meaning "to let go, be weak, or release."

So, dear readers, remember to take time and be still in every moment you find the opportunity. Seek the opportunities! Seek rest in Christ--you will find it. Take time off to get back on track!

Something New

There has been one word on my heart since junior year of high school. I cannot believe it is coming up on four years since that word first hit me. I wrote a paper on it for some sort of English/Composition class,  and I thought at the time that it would be a very difficult task to write four pages on one simple word: Restoration. However, I have learned over the past few years how much more I could write about this one little word.

In my paper, I gave the definition and expounded on that. However, I can now give you a peak into experiences of restoration in my own life. I have been learning so much about the grace of God lately. I know that sounds cheesy to the max, but the depth of God's grace is something so serious, so beautiful, so fierce, and so overwhelming. I have also had people I have never met come up to me and tell me my life was all about restoration for others. It makes sense with the goals I have for my life and the calling I feel God has placed on my heart. It's just incredible what I have learned from God's Word alone on the subject of restoration. All throughout the Psalms, you see the theme of restoration through prayers and remembrances of God's intervening and restoring hand.

ie:

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
 Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.

 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

-Psalm 51: 10-12

Just take a look at the Israelites. They fell away from God and pleaded for restoration of right relationship with Him over and over again. The book of Judges is the perfect example of this cycle. Furthermore, our own lives speak the most clearly out of any example I could give. We all know where we've messed up. We all as Christians know that we have been saved by grace through faith and that our own works did not do it, but through the gift of God's love and grace. What a beautiful picture of restoration. No matter how hard or far we fall, our Father is right there to bring us back to Him, just waiting for us to call out to Him.

Perhaps this is something one needs to experience and study for themselves to truly grasp the depth of all this--and then do it over and over again, as it can never be fully experienced or understood. God's loving and gracious restoration is so beautiful and beyond complete comprehension. What joy God's restoration brings to our hearts as well, when we realize that we did nothing and God still loves us the same, like parents whose young children cannot do a whole lot and yet are such a blessing and so lovable.

I started reading a great book, The Ragamuffin Gospel. It is a book that captures the beauty and reality of God's grace, and I cannot wait to read more of it. I've only read a couple chapters, but I recommend it already! If you are thirsty for the Bridegroom to bring restoration to your soul, I recommend, along with this book, that you study the Psalms and simply sit in the presence of God. Make every moment one in which you can experience and receive God's love and just offer what you have--a willing heart-- to Him. It sounds too easy sometimes, but God's grace is that miraculous!

Before I write a book, I will stop there. I was compelled to write on the restoration of God, and I am not sure if I really hit that target or not. However, I hope that somewhere in my rambles, you have found even a few words that will draw you and your Heavenly Father closer together.


"Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you." 
-II Corinthians 2:11

The Little Things

It's funny how some of the things that seem so ordinary and second-nature now become the most significant and meaningful pieces of life later. A patch of grass you sat in with a best friend, a room you encountered God in like never before, or a landmark you passed by on the road to get somewhere you never thought you could be.... Oh, the little things.

Sometimes I wonder what value I would place on different pieces of life without these little things. I sat in a patch of grass and had one of the most life changing conversations with my best friend. What was before just a patch of grass became a very significant memory. I encountered God in a junior high room on a retreat many years ago, and now I find myself serving in that junior high room. I never thought I would have seen that room again after that retreat. I used to pass under an overpass on a highway to get to a friend's house, as was part of the ordinary commute. Now, that same highway and overpass mark the beginning of my weekly commute to church/work. It is amazing how the small things in life are what can bring about the deep value we hold for life.

Children's laughter. A warm blanket. Comfort food. Our favorite PJ's. A good song. A memory. A compliment. Holidays. Such small pieces of life that cause us to be so thankful, that cause us to cherish all that life encompasses.

Yes, I am being a bit poetic this time around, but I am just in awe of God's beauty in ALL He does. His beauty in creation is beyond awesome, but think about His beauty elsewhere. His beauty in His oh-so perfect timing, His ironic or coincidental actions, His sense of humor. I am just amazed at the fact that a patch of grass became more than that because of a conversation He ordained. He makes something so ordinary so very extraordinary. It makes me realize just how well taken care of I am. What beautiful hands my Father holds me with. He smiles when you pass by certain places, certain people, because He already knows what your future holds in that person or place's life. To think that God truly has placed everything in such a way that it all works out for the good of His bride, His people.

I know this isn't a very profound post, but I became caught up in the love of God in the little things today. I just couldn't keep it to myself. Being thankful really does shed the tunnel vision that human nature and its selfishness unnecessarily provides.

So, when you are worrying, doubting, wanting, or otherwise, remember the little things. Your heavenly Father has a plan far beyond what you could ever imagine. Just wanted to encourage you today! :)



"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
-I Thessalonians 5:18

She Walks in Beauty

She is elegant and graceful and her beauty is like the rarest of pearls. Her beauty is rare only because the deepest part of it lies in the depth of her character. It is rare because it is not flaunted for the attraction of men, for that beauty is shallow and self-serving and for that beauty it is not beauty at all. Her beauty is so awesome she doesn't even have to be physically endowed to be wonderfully attractive. She does not try to seduce or beguile because true beauty needs no help in honest attraction.

Grace leaps from her tongue like clear water from a beautiful waterfall. Her words are used to heal, to build up, and to edify. Her words are used to serve and cheer on and she is too important for games of gossip. She is confident on the days when her hair is not fixed to look its best and her make-up doesn't cover all of her flaws. Her humble confidence doesn't lie simply in what she looks like, for even on her worse days she knows who she is.

She is elegant and proud to be the entire woman she can be because she understands that genuine femininity has its own fragrance. She does not compare or compete with anyone because any truly confident woman does not need to. She does not have to be like anyone else, she celebrates her own individuality understanding that every beautifully created woman, like the different flowers, has their own aroma. She has her own spice and personality offers it's own flavor and she loves herself because she loves her God.

Her worship is true and flows from the vulnerability, sensitivity, and weakness that only the feminine heart has to offer. She does not flaunt her spirituality or her God given gifts or talents because she knows that she has them only to serve. She does not hide in her spirituality because she feels rejected, fearful, or unattractive. She simply worships because she loves her God.

This darling of a princess realizes that she is being raised to be a queen. She does not invest or spend herself just anywhere. A queen only gives herself to a king, so if any man wants a chance at having her at his side, he will have to hold the standard of a king. She will not allow her loneliness as a woman to cause her to jump into any man's embrace. A woman who does this has yet to know who she is, nor does she truly know of her inheritance from her loving heavenly father. She should not regret the emotional essence given to her by her bountiful creator. There is a compassionate sparkle in her eye and she gleams with potential. Her smile is as sincere felt as her pain. She can express her hurt just as well as she can express her joy.

Because she is truly beautiful she inspires respect without demanding it. She is clothed in humillity and attempts to clothe herself morning by morning in purity of heart. The heart of a godly man is being prepared to receive her as an invaluable gift. The tender hands of your heavenly father are delicately stroking the inner fibers of your being. He is changing your character and countenance because you are his glorious and beautiful inheritance.

--author unknown

This, to me, is an extremely elaborate version of all the Bible has to say about a woman of God. YOU are a woman of God! A very BEAUTIFUL woman of God. :) May you walk in this truth! And let it be known that I stumbled upon this on another blog a long time ago and found it saved on my computer. I regretfully do not know what blog it came from anymore, but please know these are not my words. However, this poem came from somewhere else before the blog, and the author is sadly unknown. Just had to make the disclaimer :)

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."

-Proverbs 31:25, NIV :)

Process of a Pearl: A Glimpse Inside

In honor of completing the first two chapters and moving on to the third, I thought I would give you a taste of what the book entails. I understand the whole basis of a pearl may be a little cheesy, but the truth of God's Word makes this so valid and totally kills the cheesiness. There are not any Bible verses in this particular piece I chose to share, but it really is just a sum of what the book in its entirety entails. So let me know your thoughts and if you got anything out of this! I love feedback! :)

Pearls are the result of a process known as pearl cultivation. Though they look beautiful, it takes a long time to develop a genuine pearl. The beauty was not always a gorgeous piece of jewelry, but rather a simple bother inside the mouth of a clam or other shelled creature. Once the sand, laceration, or other bother is discovered, the clam begins the process of healing. This, dear reader, is how a pearl is created. Genuine pearls are rare and come from locations all over the world. They aren't even all round or white. The largest pearl in the world takes the shape of the inside of its clam! Some pearls are even brown, blue, or black. The whole rainbow can be displayed via pearls if you search long enough.

That brings us to the next truth about a genuine pearl—you have to go searching for it. Why? Because they are rare! However, people search for them nonetheless, because they know that a genuine pearl is worth searching for.

How does this relate to us as women in such a contaminated, or sin-immersed, world? Sin is an inevitable part of our world, life, and thoughts. However, it’s how you react to it that creates that pearl. There are three aspects being portrayed here:

1. Pearls are created via a process. We as women go through a process called life, meaning overwhelming joy—and inevitable hardship. How you react is what will either create a pearl, or create a deeper cut that can even lead to infection. How you react in response to life determines the true outcome of every situation you face.
2. Pearls are worth searching for. Though facing problems can be extremely hard or very emotional, facing the process and fixing it will only shape and form you more. Yes, you must acknowledge you have a problem and know how to deal with it, which we will discuss later in this book, but acknowledgement is the beginning of the healing process. You cannot finish something, or further develop into a pearl, if you have not even started the process. Therefore, when you finally see the mess clear up and the pearl forming, you will realize that you are indeed worth searching for. You already are in God’s eyes before your problems are faced and fixed, but even though God loves you the way you are, He loves you too much to leave you that way. Why? Because He sees potential. He sees the end result, because He ultimately is the one who finishes—He’s just waiting on you to start! God sees the pearl. He sees you as worth searching for.
3. Pearls are created when hardship abounds, and healthy action is taken in response to the situation. The pearl is formed only once the clam acknowledges the presence of the problem and identifies exactly where it is. The pearl is then created over time by the clam in place of the problem. I’ve heard it said that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. Basically, attitude is everything. Your reaction to a given situation will make or break you.

I encourage you to keep reading to discover what God has for you, whether that be triumph through healing for you or a friend, empowerment and newfound confidence in who God made you to be, or to understand your role as a woman in this world today. My goal is to refresh women with the story of their value and bring hope to the set of circumstances life has harshly handed them. You can walk through the valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil. You are God’s daughter—a daughter of Love Himself. This, daughter, is a book of how healing from hurt creates beauty and unique, feminine strength.