Sunday, November 18, 2012
#LateNightRevelations
I was just thinking how these next couple of days do not hold significance for me, and how I just want to make it to Wednesday morning. But then I realized that is only true if I think it to be. Monday and Tuesday do matter. They matter to a lot of people. Like the girl in the ICU after a terrible accident. Or the man who is going in for a big job interview tomorrow. And they need to be days of significance to each of us, too. They might be significant because we are called to pray for those people. Or perhaps we will have the chance to love on those people. Or maybe our day is significant simply because we are alive, and we are God's significant creation. If He woke us up this morning, we were meant to live in this day. Don't let it slip away. Don't miss the reason God created you for the specific today you find yourself in. #LateNightRevelations
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
It's a Third Person Kind of Day...
Chloe sat on her fairly comfy, extra large twin mattress in her dorm room. It was a chilly Wednesday night, and she knew the clock's staring 10:00 eyes were just the dawn of the evening. Much was yet to be accomplished. Much was dreaded. Chloe took a moment to reflect on the events of her day. She divded them into a list of "good's" and "bad's."
I woke up...Plus....At 9.....Plus....And I got to enjoy my first class of the day. Plus. But then I was told my paper wasn't good enough. Not plus. My psychology test is one day closer, and I'm one day's worth my exhausted for the week. Not plus and not plus. Hmmm....
As Chloe continued her thought process about the day's events, she realized she was only putting herself in a downward spiral, discouraging any further potential productivity for her evening. If she wanted to get to studyinng for that psychology test on Friday, she had better stop moping.
Sadly, her emotions of anger from her last thought about the day got to her more. It was the fuel she needed for her fire of thought.
Well, I guess it got better after that. I calmed myself down and turned in another paper. So that's taken care of. And then there was chapel. Dr. Rutland is such a great speaker...But then I went to work. I was dreading it, but that wasn't so bad either. Plus, plus, plus, and plus again.
Chloe was lost in thought when her favorite song started chiming from her computer. The interruption caused her to reach for her psychology book, just to feel better about not doing anything just yet.
Hmmm....After work, I had psychology. I normally enjoy that, but, with this horrid test....Yikes. Maybe I shouldn't have texted my boyfriend that 4-page text of venting from when I was angry about that first paper this morning....But it already happened. Maybe it was a good thing to release my anger. I was angry at myself really. I just need to be smarter.
Chloe then began to feel inadequate and fell deeper into the prison of her thoughts. She melted into her covers, shoulders slumped. She was sure she wouldn't survive college.
...What if I can't pay for college? Then this is even more not worth it. OK, Chloe, don't think about that....It's so hard not to....Well....My day. What else happened? Oh yeah, I tutored that girl in biology. I can see why she doesn't like that class. For being a lab, it sure is boring. And then I was free after that for a while. I did do psychology then....At least a little. After that....Oh! Equestrian! I can't believe next week is our last week for that class! I'm going to miss the stables over Christmas. I guess I had another tutoring session after that. A girl needed her paper proofread. She is someone who is going places. I mean...She probably knew better than me on a lot of that stuff. Gosh...I'm so stupid. I don't know why I thought I could be a good tutor......Well, I better get to psychology. I'm already not going to do very well because I can't do a whole lot right anymore anyway....
Chloe sighed, picked up her book, and got to studying. It had been a hard week and grades were not all lined up the way she wanted them. As she started reading, a tear streaked down her face.
I know this sounds pretty harsh, but this is also the writer in me coming out. And yes, me throwing a bit of a pity party of the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" that I obviously had. However, I had great encouragement in the midst of today, and the Holy Spirit has really prompted me to start thinking differently about myself. Not starting tomorrow. But starting now. Sometimes, I wonder if God uses my miserable days (well, what seems "miserable" to me at the time, but really isn't) and the thoughts that are triggered by such days about inadequacy, fear, and whatever else. I think He likes to use it, though it really is my own pity-partying. The thing is, I think it's almost like Hosea in the Bible. God told him to marry a prostitue. And he did. And then his own wife ran away back to her life of prositution. And he went searching for her. I feel like he was being obedient to God for sure, btu also, maybe in his efforts to be a good husband, he really did fall in love with her. Anyway, I can't help but wonder, just as God used that experience not only to tell Hosea something, but to have Hosea tell other people....What if that's what today's types of days are like for me? What if, in the midst of my negative feelings about myself and pity partying, if I chose to relay the message to you that we can't give into those lies, no matter what experience seems to prove otherwise. When circumstances are put in perspective, they really are kind of silly....Or at least, in most cases, our reactions.
I had to put my thinking in check more than once today. It is a constant battle for me to be confident in my own skin...Being who I am called to be. Don't feel like a failure if you have to put yourself in check more than once a day. At least you put yourself in check when you need to! You have to start somewhere in order to climb at all.
Basically, I wanted to relay the message that pity parties aren't worth it. For one, your thoughts about yourself in those moments are not true. Secondly, you just look stupid in the moment. You will look back at that moment and the person you were in that moment and question "that was me?" You were "that guy" that everyone says not to be for about 10 minutes. It's not worth the time or the energy. It's not worth it to have that party at all.
So, though there is no specific verse to go with this very practical blog entry, I leave you with this window into a Wednesday in the life of me. I do not like Wednesdays this semester. They are long, and hard, and in the middle of the week when I am searching for a breath of fresh air and an adequate amount of sleep. However, just as Dory sings in Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming." :)
Much love, and may you find your value in Christ alone, regardless of how you feel or what you're dealing with, even in the little moments. :) Remember to ask yourself "what's worth it" and just keep swimming!
Chloe
I woke up...Plus....At 9.....Plus....And I got to enjoy my first class of the day. Plus. But then I was told my paper wasn't good enough. Not plus. My psychology test is one day closer, and I'm one day's worth my exhausted for the week. Not plus and not plus. Hmmm....
As Chloe continued her thought process about the day's events, she realized she was only putting herself in a downward spiral, discouraging any further potential productivity for her evening. If she wanted to get to studyinng for that psychology test on Friday, she had better stop moping.
Sadly, her emotions of anger from her last thought about the day got to her more. It was the fuel she needed for her fire of thought.
Well, I guess it got better after that. I calmed myself down and turned in another paper. So that's taken care of. And then there was chapel. Dr. Rutland is such a great speaker...But then I went to work. I was dreading it, but that wasn't so bad either. Plus, plus, plus, and plus again.
Chloe was lost in thought when her favorite song started chiming from her computer. The interruption caused her to reach for her psychology book, just to feel better about not doing anything just yet.
Hmmm....After work, I had psychology. I normally enjoy that, but, with this horrid test....Yikes. Maybe I shouldn't have texted my boyfriend that 4-page text of venting from when I was angry about that first paper this morning....But it already happened. Maybe it was a good thing to release my anger. I was angry at myself really. I just need to be smarter.
Chloe then began to feel inadequate and fell deeper into the prison of her thoughts. She melted into her covers, shoulders slumped. She was sure she wouldn't survive college.
...What if I can't pay for college? Then this is even more not worth it. OK, Chloe, don't think about that....It's so hard not to....Well....My day. What else happened? Oh yeah, I tutored that girl in biology. I can see why she doesn't like that class. For being a lab, it sure is boring. And then I was free after that for a while. I did do psychology then....At least a little. After that....Oh! Equestrian! I can't believe next week is our last week for that class! I'm going to miss the stables over Christmas. I guess I had another tutoring session after that. A girl needed her paper proofread. She is someone who is going places. I mean...She probably knew better than me on a lot of that stuff. Gosh...I'm so stupid. I don't know why I thought I could be a good tutor......Well, I better get to psychology. I'm already not going to do very well because I can't do a whole lot right anymore anyway....
Chloe sighed, picked up her book, and got to studying. It had been a hard week and grades were not all lined up the way she wanted them. As she started reading, a tear streaked down her face.
I know this sounds pretty harsh, but this is also the writer in me coming out. And yes, me throwing a bit of a pity party of the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" that I obviously had. However, I had great encouragement in the midst of today, and the Holy Spirit has really prompted me to start thinking differently about myself. Not starting tomorrow. But starting now. Sometimes, I wonder if God uses my miserable days (well, what seems "miserable" to me at the time, but really isn't) and the thoughts that are triggered by such days about inadequacy, fear, and whatever else. I think He likes to use it, though it really is my own pity-partying. The thing is, I think it's almost like Hosea in the Bible. God told him to marry a prostitue. And he did. And then his own wife ran away back to her life of prositution. And he went searching for her. I feel like he was being obedient to God for sure, btu also, maybe in his efforts to be a good husband, he really did fall in love with her. Anyway, I can't help but wonder, just as God used that experience not only to tell Hosea something, but to have Hosea tell other people....What if that's what today's types of days are like for me? What if, in the midst of my negative feelings about myself and pity partying, if I chose to relay the message to you that we can't give into those lies, no matter what experience seems to prove otherwise. When circumstances are put in perspective, they really are kind of silly....Or at least, in most cases, our reactions.
I had to put my thinking in check more than once today. It is a constant battle for me to be confident in my own skin...Being who I am called to be. Don't feel like a failure if you have to put yourself in check more than once a day. At least you put yourself in check when you need to! You have to start somewhere in order to climb at all.
Basically, I wanted to relay the message that pity parties aren't worth it. For one, your thoughts about yourself in those moments are not true. Secondly, you just look stupid in the moment. You will look back at that moment and the person you were in that moment and question "that was me?" You were "that guy" that everyone says not to be for about 10 minutes. It's not worth the time or the energy. It's not worth it to have that party at all.
So, though there is no specific verse to go with this very practical blog entry, I leave you with this window into a Wednesday in the life of me. I do not like Wednesdays this semester. They are long, and hard, and in the middle of the week when I am searching for a breath of fresh air and an adequate amount of sleep. However, just as Dory sings in Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming." :)
Much love, and may you find your value in Christ alone, regardless of how you feel or what you're dealing with, even in the little moments. :) Remember to ask yourself "what's worth it" and just keep swimming!
Chloe
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