I stumbled upon this rough draft that I never posted from late 2012. I thought I would share it with you all :) Be blessed!
In 2 Peter, it says that we are equipped for a life of godliness. We have everything we need to be women and men of Christ. Godliness is like the little black dress every girl has--an all purpose sort of garment. From godliness, many other character traits sprout. Those are the accessories. There is such a thing as being spiritually fashionable. And though I am certain this can apply to men as well, my call in this post is to young women everywhere. Are you "spiritually fashionable?" Are you taking hold of the equipment God has freely and already handed you?
You have been equipped, so walk in it! Walk in your feminism, walk in your calling, and most of all walk in the love of Christ! It is fun to be fashionable and wear cute scarves and fun jewelry, but altogether (and almost without saying) what makes the outfit is truly the "little black dress." Don't ever be without it! You are already equipped with godliness, so go for the gold because it is already yours! You are dressed to be blessed, and so are those around you--treat them that way!
How many times do we shed our "little black dress" of godliness and put on the raggedy clothes God wants us to throw away completely? So often I forget that I have been equipped with everything I need to live a kingdom-minded life to the full already. Other times I simply don't want to have it, because that means more responsibility. It comes down to realizing how much better your life will be, and how much better others' lives will be, as a result of you choosing to wear out your little black dress instead of your jeggings and V-neck or sweat pants and T-shirt (as comfortable as these items are...).
All in all, between the reminder of what God has already given us and God's tugging at my heart to continue in my passion (that He gave me), I thought I would share a little piece of it with you, dear reader. My prayer for you is that your understanding of what God has equipped you with would grow, your character would be purified, and that your little black dress would come back out of the wardrobe to be of use to you in the incredible amount of ways which it can be. :)
"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire."
- 2 Peter 1:3-4
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
The "You've Got Mail" Principle
My favorite movie of all time is You've Got Mail. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan act so well together (hence, they have more than one movie of acting together!). This movie has heavily influenced my life. It is a movie that makes me think about my mom, as it is one of her favorite movies, and we have spent many hours together watching Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox fall in love over a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils and a plethora of quirky remarks. I think my favorite part of You've Got Mail has changed over time, however. Originally, I just loved the dog, Brinkley. Eventually, I realized what a good reasoning for having daisies as a favorite flower (it's the "friendliest" flower!). I later truly appreciated the ending when I realized how romantic (and cheesy) it was. Now I watch the movie and see so much more than characters and a story line, though. I see concepts and symbolism and so much more than just a movie with a job well done in character creation and plot twisting.
In You've Got Mail, Joe Fox is the co-owner, along with his father, of a newly opening bookstore equivalent to a Barnes and Noble in New York City. A small, locally owned bookstore, the Shop Around the Corner, has been around for many years, its business passed down to Kathleen Kelly from her mother. Kathleen and Joe meet on a chat room, which they both claim they wandered into only as a joke (coincidentally at the same time). Never having met in person, they begin a cyber romance that causes them to want to meet. However, unknowingly each other's chat-life love, they are enemies in the business world and refuse to talk to each other outside of AOL. The two online lovers decide to meet, and when Joe finds out the girl of his dreams is Kathleen, he decides to play a "no-show" and comes in as her run-her-out-of-business foe. From this point on in the movie, Joe falls for Kathleen not only online, but in person, too. He does not reveal who he really is to her until the end of the movie, but I have come to see it as something so deep and so beautiful. It is a romantic comedy that accurately reflects so much of life aside from the perfect love and the living happily ever after scenario that every typical romantic comedy envelopes.
Anywho, I love the story and its irony. However, the bigger spark that has recently caught my attention in the film is this: there is a man and there is a woman. The man pursues the woman. He does not reveal his identity as her true love until the end, when the time is right and he was proved himself to her. He has waited for her to come to terms with who she is, what her purpose in life is, and how strong of a woman she is on her own. He has allowed her space to grow before he ever showed himself to be her prince charming.
So, to all my single ladies out there, be encouraged. There is a man who is waiting for the perfect time to show himself to you and to sweep you off your feet. In the mean time, you just work on being you and becoming the strong, capable woman God has called you to be. How can one be swept off their feet if they are not first employed by something worthwhile? If we were always on the prowl, paying attention and sitting, waiting...We wouldn't be doing. We wouldn't be on our feet to even be swept off of them.
Yes, I did just make a silly devotional out of a cheesy chick flick. However, I think it is important that single women waiting for their Mr. Right to come not forget that they have so much more purpose than to be someone's wife, girlfriend, or fiance. Each of us is called to change the world beyond "behind every great man is a great woman." We can be the great woman that just is a great woman. Singleness is a gift, and it is something special that we won't all have forever. In the mean time, for those who do hope and dream of being swept off their feet, remember to continue doing whatever you are called to right now. Otherwise....How can you be pursued and swept off your feet if you are sitting and waiting?
"Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You."
-Psalm 25:21
Further recommended reading:
I encourage you to read Matthew 25- please understand that I don't want to take this passage out of context, as it is referring to the end times and the preparedness we must have for Jesus' coming back. However, the literal meaning still stands. Those who were working and prepared were the ones who reaped the benefits and joys of the wedding.
Galatians 6:9
I Peter 5:6-7
Psalm 130:5-6
In You've Got Mail, Joe Fox is the co-owner, along with his father, of a newly opening bookstore equivalent to a Barnes and Noble in New York City. A small, locally owned bookstore, the Shop Around the Corner, has been around for many years, its business passed down to Kathleen Kelly from her mother. Kathleen and Joe meet on a chat room, which they both claim they wandered into only as a joke (coincidentally at the same time). Never having met in person, they begin a cyber romance that causes them to want to meet. However, unknowingly each other's chat-life love, they are enemies in the business world and refuse to talk to each other outside of AOL. The two online lovers decide to meet, and when Joe finds out the girl of his dreams is Kathleen, he decides to play a "no-show" and comes in as her run-her-out-of-business foe. From this point on in the movie, Joe falls for Kathleen not only online, but in person, too. He does not reveal who he really is to her until the end of the movie, but I have come to see it as something so deep and so beautiful. It is a romantic comedy that accurately reflects so much of life aside from the perfect love and the living happily ever after scenario that every typical romantic comedy envelopes.
Anywho, I love the story and its irony. However, the bigger spark that has recently caught my attention in the film is this: there is a man and there is a woman. The man pursues the woman. He does not reveal his identity as her true love until the end, when the time is right and he was proved himself to her. He has waited for her to come to terms with who she is, what her purpose in life is, and how strong of a woman she is on her own. He has allowed her space to grow before he ever showed himself to be her prince charming.
So, to all my single ladies out there, be encouraged. There is a man who is waiting for the perfect time to show himself to you and to sweep you off your feet. In the mean time, you just work on being you and becoming the strong, capable woman God has called you to be. How can one be swept off their feet if they are not first employed by something worthwhile? If we were always on the prowl, paying attention and sitting, waiting...We wouldn't be doing. We wouldn't be on our feet to even be swept off of them.
Yes, I did just make a silly devotional out of a cheesy chick flick. However, I think it is important that single women waiting for their Mr. Right to come not forget that they have so much more purpose than to be someone's wife, girlfriend, or fiance. Each of us is called to change the world beyond "behind every great man is a great woman." We can be the great woman that just is a great woman. Singleness is a gift, and it is something special that we won't all have forever. In the mean time, for those who do hope and dream of being swept off their feet, remember to continue doing whatever you are called to right now. Otherwise....How can you be pursued and swept off your feet if you are sitting and waiting?
"Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You."
-Psalm 25:21
Further recommended reading:
I encourage you to read Matthew 25- please understand that I don't want to take this passage out of context, as it is referring to the end times and the preparedness we must have for Jesus' coming back. However, the literal meaning still stands. Those who were working and prepared were the ones who reaped the benefits and joys of the wedding.
Galatians 6:9
I Peter 5:6-7
Psalm 130:5-6
Monday, March 18, 2013
Do Not Worry: Challenge Accepted?
The Bible says not to worry and to cast our anxieties on the Lord. We are to be thankful and pray instead. Sometimes I cannot help but to think that this is the biggest vice I deal with--and perhaps it is for many who have grown up in a safe environment, practically raised by the church. I have never had a drinking problem or dealt with substance abuse. Physical impurity has never been a big vice for me either. However, I look at the many Bible verses referring to this idea of remembering how much God cares for you and how powerful thankfulness is.....And realize what a terrible spiritual crime I am committing.
To worry is practically to doubt God. Perhaps the knowledge of God was never enough for a mustard seed-size faith to exist, but instead to act upon that knowledge in courageous ways. I, for one, have not kept that pace whatsoever. I am far behind in the race, even after following Christ for nearly 16 years. So. Far. Behind.
With every new day arises new challenges, and with new challenges emerges new hopes, disappointments, thoughts, peace, questions, answers, and other paradoxical sorts of results.I wonder sometimes how much I fall into the category of not putting enough faith, hope, and trust into the One who is so faithful to me, so hopeful for me and my life, and so trusting in me that He would never consider breaking any of His promises (and, random thought, but He blessed me with a brain....That seems rather trusting to me), regardless of what I choose to do with my time, my thoughts, and my treasure.
My point in saying all this? I have allowed myself to be covered in worry, and it is a terrible crime. I come from a background where this might be easy to say is a vice. However, I do not want to continue living in it, nor do I want to make excuses any longer. I worry about the future, about the past, about the present. I worry about friends and family, their futures, and their further worries. I question where I will be a year from now, this summer, or even tomorrow. Is it my place or duty to do so? Perhaps, because of the God-given brain in my head, it is up to me to use wisdom and the knowledge I have attained, but to allow what my brain cannot comprehend to be placed in the hands of God, the One who knows all and cares for all. After all, if I were to know everything and to delegate every plan I have ever made, I would have already been equipped with that knowledge, for God's Word says that we have already been equipped for godliness in 2 Peter 1:3. We have all we need to carry out what He has called us to do. Anything we are not equipped with (and even that which we are equipped with) comes from Him in His perfect timing.
What are we called to do with what we do not know?
To wait upon the Lord (Is 40:31 and Ps. 27:14).
To be joyful (Romans 12:12, Nehemiah 8:10, 1 Thess. 5:16-17).
To be thankful (1 Thess 5:16-17).
To endure (Josh. 1:9, Rom 12:12, 2 Tim. 2:3).
To trust Him (Prov 3:5-6).
To be still and remember who is fighting for us (Ps. 46:10, Ps. 68:28).
Pray and petition at the feet of Jesus (1 Thess. 5:16-17, Luke 10:38-42).
To fight through praise (1 Chron. 16:34-36).
I write this as if I know it all too well myself, but I must make the disclaimer that though I have faced some hard seasons in life, I will face many more in which I will need this blog post times a million--no, I will simply need my heavenly Father-- to get me through whatever it is I am dealing with. I know next to nothing--much is yet to be endured, to be experienced, and to be learned.
However, that is not for me to worry about. I will focus on the race before my eyes and trust God that He will equip me for godliness in the season of life He calls me to next.
Acts 27
Matthew 6:25-34
1 Peter 5:7
Isaiah 41:10-20
To worry is practically to doubt God. Perhaps the knowledge of God was never enough for a mustard seed-size faith to exist, but instead to act upon that knowledge in courageous ways. I, for one, have not kept that pace whatsoever. I am far behind in the race, even after following Christ for nearly 16 years. So. Far. Behind.
With every new day arises new challenges, and with new challenges emerges new hopes, disappointments, thoughts, peace, questions, answers, and other paradoxical sorts of results.I wonder sometimes how much I fall into the category of not putting enough faith, hope, and trust into the One who is so faithful to me, so hopeful for me and my life, and so trusting in me that He would never consider breaking any of His promises (and, random thought, but He blessed me with a brain....That seems rather trusting to me), regardless of what I choose to do with my time, my thoughts, and my treasure.
My point in saying all this? I have allowed myself to be covered in worry, and it is a terrible crime. I come from a background where this might be easy to say is a vice. However, I do not want to continue living in it, nor do I want to make excuses any longer. I worry about the future, about the past, about the present. I worry about friends and family, their futures, and their further worries. I question where I will be a year from now, this summer, or even tomorrow. Is it my place or duty to do so? Perhaps, because of the God-given brain in my head, it is up to me to use wisdom and the knowledge I have attained, but to allow what my brain cannot comprehend to be placed in the hands of God, the One who knows all and cares for all. After all, if I were to know everything and to delegate every plan I have ever made, I would have already been equipped with that knowledge, for God's Word says that we have already been equipped for godliness in 2 Peter 1:3. We have all we need to carry out what He has called us to do. Anything we are not equipped with (and even that which we are equipped with) comes from Him in His perfect timing.
What are we called to do with what we do not know?
To wait upon the Lord (Is 40:31 and Ps. 27:14).
To be joyful (Romans 12:12, Nehemiah 8:10, 1 Thess. 5:16-17).
To be thankful (1 Thess 5:16-17).
To endure (Josh. 1:9, Rom 12:12, 2 Tim. 2:3).
To trust Him (Prov 3:5-6).
To be still and remember who is fighting for us (Ps. 46:10, Ps. 68:28).
Pray and petition at the feet of Jesus (1 Thess. 5:16-17, Luke 10:38-42).
To fight through praise (1 Chron. 16:34-36).
I write this as if I know it all too well myself, but I must make the disclaimer that though I have faced some hard seasons in life, I will face many more in which I will need this blog post times a million--no, I will simply need my heavenly Father-- to get me through whatever it is I am dealing with. I know next to nothing--much is yet to be endured, to be experienced, and to be learned.
However, that is not for me to worry about. I will focus on the race before my eyes and trust God that He will equip me for godliness in the season of life He calls me to next.
Acts 27
Matthew 6:25-34
1 Peter 5:7
Isaiah 41:10-20
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Preparing for "God Moments"
So many youth group retreats and other various event are coming up this weekend that I know of, and it made me want to share a few thoughts with everyone! Whether you are a student going on the retreat, or you find yourself going to your 10th conference this weekend, being refreshed is what everyone wants out of such weekend getaways with God. When preparing for a big event with God at the center (ie retreats, conferences, etc.), it can be easy to get caught up in all that you plan for and expect to happen. However, I want to challenge all you retreat-goers to take a few moments every day leading up to your big event to "test the waters" and dip your toes in.
I was thinking about it, and preparing for an amazing time with God at a big event takes some effort. It is like when you go to a hotel with an indoor, unheated pool. No matter what age you are, you have to get used to the temperature of the water. The majority of people don't just jump in; they work their way into the water slowly and surely. They start with their toes, then take another step, and then another....And eventually, they are completely immersed in the water. They are then able to go to the deep end or jump of the diving board with ease and enjoyment--no unpleasant shock of cold water whatsoever! Instead, they get full enjoyment of all that the pool has to offer, and nothing is hold them back from pure refreshment and fun.
All because you took some time to grow accustomed to the setting of the pool, or the metaphorical retreat, you were able to take in all it had to offer. God has so much He wants to give you, but sometimes you have to prepare for it. So start testing the waters now with high expectations for all God wants to do in your life. Spend time in His word; pray for yourself and for those you know of attending the event as well. Start encouragement towards others now rather than half way through the retreat. Start having God moments now so the big ones only solidify what you already started beforehand. Let the newness factor be something that happens in your room before it begins many miles away in a building you've never been to before. It is when you begin a pattern of consistency and a build up of heart preparation and understanding of God's word that you can take in more and more of God, His grace, His blessings, and His wisdom.
So, dear reader, if you find yourself going on some big event in the near future, perhaps try preparing for it so you can take in even more of God's love than you ever thought you could.
Psalm 23:5-6
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
I was thinking about it, and preparing for an amazing time with God at a big event takes some effort. It is like when you go to a hotel with an indoor, unheated pool. No matter what age you are, you have to get used to the temperature of the water. The majority of people don't just jump in; they work their way into the water slowly and surely. They start with their toes, then take another step, and then another....And eventually, they are completely immersed in the water. They are then able to go to the deep end or jump of the diving board with ease and enjoyment--no unpleasant shock of cold water whatsoever! Instead, they get full enjoyment of all that the pool has to offer, and nothing is hold them back from pure refreshment and fun.
All because you took some time to grow accustomed to the setting of the pool, or the metaphorical retreat, you were able to take in all it had to offer. God has so much He wants to give you, but sometimes you have to prepare for it. So start testing the waters now with high expectations for all God wants to do in your life. Spend time in His word; pray for yourself and for those you know of attending the event as well. Start encouragement towards others now rather than half way through the retreat. Start having God moments now so the big ones only solidify what you already started beforehand. Let the newness factor be something that happens in your room before it begins many miles away in a building you've never been to before. It is when you begin a pattern of consistency and a build up of heart preparation and understanding of God's word that you can take in more and more of God, His grace, His blessings, and His wisdom.
So, dear reader, if you find yourself going on some big event in the near future, perhaps try preparing for it so you can take in even more of God's love than you ever thought you could.
Psalm 23:5-6
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Friday, February 1, 2013
What do YOU want to hear about?
Well. It's been a while. I have been inspired recently for my book, but I have had little time to sit down and write. I have been thinking about so many things that I want to write about here, as well. The topics stream from secular music to John the Baptist to finances to keeping the Sabbath holy to sex trafficking and so many other! I want to sit down and write but time is not allowing it. However, if there is ANY topic you would like to hear about, I would love to do some studying on the topic and blog about it ASAP! Feel free to Tweet me @runner_4_jc or message me on Facebook!
Sunday, November 18, 2012
#LateNightRevelations
I was just thinking how these next couple of days do not hold significance for me, and how I just want to make it to Wednesday morning. But then I realized that is only true if I think it to be. Monday and Tuesday do matter. They matter to a lot of people. Like the girl in the ICU after a terrible accident. Or the man who is going in for a big job interview tomorrow. And they need to be days of significance to each of us, too. They might be significant because we are called to pray for those people. Or perhaps we will have the chance to love on those people. Or maybe our day is significant simply because we are alive, and we are God's significant creation. If He woke us up this morning, we were meant to live in this day. Don't let it slip away. Don't miss the reason God created you for the specific today you find yourself in. #LateNightRevelations
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
It's a Third Person Kind of Day...
Chloe sat on her fairly comfy, extra large twin mattress in her dorm room. It was a chilly Wednesday night, and she knew the clock's staring 10:00 eyes were just the dawn of the evening. Much was yet to be accomplished. Much was dreaded. Chloe took a moment to reflect on the events of her day. She divded them into a list of "good's" and "bad's."
I woke up...Plus....At 9.....Plus....And I got to enjoy my first class of the day. Plus. But then I was told my paper wasn't good enough. Not plus. My psychology test is one day closer, and I'm one day's worth my exhausted for the week. Not plus and not plus. Hmmm....
As Chloe continued her thought process about the day's events, she realized she was only putting herself in a downward spiral, discouraging any further potential productivity for her evening. If she wanted to get to studyinng for that psychology test on Friday, she had better stop moping.
Sadly, her emotions of anger from her last thought about the day got to her more. It was the fuel she needed for her fire of thought.
Well, I guess it got better after that. I calmed myself down and turned in another paper. So that's taken care of. And then there was chapel. Dr. Rutland is such a great speaker...But then I went to work. I was dreading it, but that wasn't so bad either. Plus, plus, plus, and plus again.
Chloe was lost in thought when her favorite song started chiming from her computer. The interruption caused her to reach for her psychology book, just to feel better about not doing anything just yet.
Hmmm....After work, I had psychology. I normally enjoy that, but, with this horrid test....Yikes. Maybe I shouldn't have texted my boyfriend that 4-page text of venting from when I was angry about that first paper this morning....But it already happened. Maybe it was a good thing to release my anger. I was angry at myself really. I just need to be smarter.
Chloe then began to feel inadequate and fell deeper into the prison of her thoughts. She melted into her covers, shoulders slumped. She was sure she wouldn't survive college.
...What if I can't pay for college? Then this is even more not worth it. OK, Chloe, don't think about that....It's so hard not to....Well....My day. What else happened? Oh yeah, I tutored that girl in biology. I can see why she doesn't like that class. For being a lab, it sure is boring. And then I was free after that for a while. I did do psychology then....At least a little. After that....Oh! Equestrian! I can't believe next week is our last week for that class! I'm going to miss the stables over Christmas. I guess I had another tutoring session after that. A girl needed her paper proofread. She is someone who is going places. I mean...She probably knew better than me on a lot of that stuff. Gosh...I'm so stupid. I don't know why I thought I could be a good tutor......Well, I better get to psychology. I'm already not going to do very well because I can't do a whole lot right anymore anyway....
Chloe sighed, picked up her book, and got to studying. It had been a hard week and grades were not all lined up the way she wanted them. As she started reading, a tear streaked down her face.
I know this sounds pretty harsh, but this is also the writer in me coming out. And yes, me throwing a bit of a pity party of the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" that I obviously had. However, I had great encouragement in the midst of today, and the Holy Spirit has really prompted me to start thinking differently about myself. Not starting tomorrow. But starting now. Sometimes, I wonder if God uses my miserable days (well, what seems "miserable" to me at the time, but really isn't) and the thoughts that are triggered by such days about inadequacy, fear, and whatever else. I think He likes to use it, though it really is my own pity-partying. The thing is, I think it's almost like Hosea in the Bible. God told him to marry a prostitue. And he did. And then his own wife ran away back to her life of prositution. And he went searching for her. I feel like he was being obedient to God for sure, btu also, maybe in his efforts to be a good husband, he really did fall in love with her. Anyway, I can't help but wonder, just as God used that experience not only to tell Hosea something, but to have Hosea tell other people....What if that's what today's types of days are like for me? What if, in the midst of my negative feelings about myself and pity partying, if I chose to relay the message to you that we can't give into those lies, no matter what experience seems to prove otherwise. When circumstances are put in perspective, they really are kind of silly....Or at least, in most cases, our reactions.
I had to put my thinking in check more than once today. It is a constant battle for me to be confident in my own skin...Being who I am called to be. Don't feel like a failure if you have to put yourself in check more than once a day. At least you put yourself in check when you need to! You have to start somewhere in order to climb at all.
Basically, I wanted to relay the message that pity parties aren't worth it. For one, your thoughts about yourself in those moments are not true. Secondly, you just look stupid in the moment. You will look back at that moment and the person you were in that moment and question "that was me?" You were "that guy" that everyone says not to be for about 10 minutes. It's not worth the time or the energy. It's not worth it to have that party at all.
So, though there is no specific verse to go with this very practical blog entry, I leave you with this window into a Wednesday in the life of me. I do not like Wednesdays this semester. They are long, and hard, and in the middle of the week when I am searching for a breath of fresh air and an adequate amount of sleep. However, just as Dory sings in Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming." :)
Much love, and may you find your value in Christ alone, regardless of how you feel or what you're dealing with, even in the little moments. :) Remember to ask yourself "what's worth it" and just keep swimming!
Chloe
I woke up...Plus....At 9.....Plus....And I got to enjoy my first class of the day. Plus. But then I was told my paper wasn't good enough. Not plus. My psychology test is one day closer, and I'm one day's worth my exhausted for the week. Not plus and not plus. Hmmm....
As Chloe continued her thought process about the day's events, she realized she was only putting herself in a downward spiral, discouraging any further potential productivity for her evening. If she wanted to get to studyinng for that psychology test on Friday, she had better stop moping.
Sadly, her emotions of anger from her last thought about the day got to her more. It was the fuel she needed for her fire of thought.
Well, I guess it got better after that. I calmed myself down and turned in another paper. So that's taken care of. And then there was chapel. Dr. Rutland is such a great speaker...But then I went to work. I was dreading it, but that wasn't so bad either. Plus, plus, plus, and plus again.
Chloe was lost in thought when her favorite song started chiming from her computer. The interruption caused her to reach for her psychology book, just to feel better about not doing anything just yet.
Hmmm....After work, I had psychology. I normally enjoy that, but, with this horrid test....Yikes. Maybe I shouldn't have texted my boyfriend that 4-page text of venting from when I was angry about that first paper this morning....But it already happened. Maybe it was a good thing to release my anger. I was angry at myself really. I just need to be smarter.
Chloe then began to feel inadequate and fell deeper into the prison of her thoughts. She melted into her covers, shoulders slumped. She was sure she wouldn't survive college.
...What if I can't pay for college? Then this is even more not worth it. OK, Chloe, don't think about that....It's so hard not to....Well....My day. What else happened? Oh yeah, I tutored that girl in biology. I can see why she doesn't like that class. For being a lab, it sure is boring. And then I was free after that for a while. I did do psychology then....At least a little. After that....Oh! Equestrian! I can't believe next week is our last week for that class! I'm going to miss the stables over Christmas. I guess I had another tutoring session after that. A girl needed her paper proofread. She is someone who is going places. I mean...She probably knew better than me on a lot of that stuff. Gosh...I'm so stupid. I don't know why I thought I could be a good tutor......Well, I better get to psychology. I'm already not going to do very well because I can't do a whole lot right anymore anyway....
Chloe sighed, picked up her book, and got to studying. It had been a hard week and grades were not all lined up the way she wanted them. As she started reading, a tear streaked down her face.
I know this sounds pretty harsh, but this is also the writer in me coming out. And yes, me throwing a bit of a pity party of the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" that I obviously had. However, I had great encouragement in the midst of today, and the Holy Spirit has really prompted me to start thinking differently about myself. Not starting tomorrow. But starting now. Sometimes, I wonder if God uses my miserable days (well, what seems "miserable" to me at the time, but really isn't) and the thoughts that are triggered by such days about inadequacy, fear, and whatever else. I think He likes to use it, though it really is my own pity-partying. The thing is, I think it's almost like Hosea in the Bible. God told him to marry a prostitue. And he did. And then his own wife ran away back to her life of prositution. And he went searching for her. I feel like he was being obedient to God for sure, btu also, maybe in his efforts to be a good husband, he really did fall in love with her. Anyway, I can't help but wonder, just as God used that experience not only to tell Hosea something, but to have Hosea tell other people....What if that's what today's types of days are like for me? What if, in the midst of my negative feelings about myself and pity partying, if I chose to relay the message to you that we can't give into those lies, no matter what experience seems to prove otherwise. When circumstances are put in perspective, they really are kind of silly....Or at least, in most cases, our reactions.
I had to put my thinking in check more than once today. It is a constant battle for me to be confident in my own skin...Being who I am called to be. Don't feel like a failure if you have to put yourself in check more than once a day. At least you put yourself in check when you need to! You have to start somewhere in order to climb at all.
Basically, I wanted to relay the message that pity parties aren't worth it. For one, your thoughts about yourself in those moments are not true. Secondly, you just look stupid in the moment. You will look back at that moment and the person you were in that moment and question "that was me?" You were "that guy" that everyone says not to be for about 10 minutes. It's not worth the time or the energy. It's not worth it to have that party at all.
So, though there is no specific verse to go with this very practical blog entry, I leave you with this window into a Wednesday in the life of me. I do not like Wednesdays this semester. They are long, and hard, and in the middle of the week when I am searching for a breath of fresh air and an adequate amount of sleep. However, just as Dory sings in Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming." :)
Much love, and may you find your value in Christ alone, regardless of how you feel or what you're dealing with, even in the little moments. :) Remember to ask yourself "what's worth it" and just keep swimming!
Chloe
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