I want MORE

I have this problem of always wanting more. Sometimes, it's a good thing in terms of motivation. Other times, it' s a horrible thing because I am never content. For example, last night my boyfriend went to a baseball game. I had a good friend in town and we got to walk around downtown Naperville last night. However, even though she bought me ice cream and I was enjoying being with her, part of me still yearned to be at that baseball game. Why? I wanted more fun. I wanted more thrill. And yes...I did want the company of my boyfriend.

Although the last reason holds some validity to want to be at the baseball game with Aaron, that is no excuse for me not to enjoy being right where I was at last night. I made some great memories. Sarah bought me ice cream. I got to meet her friend and make a new friend in doing so. It was my first time seeing Sarah in a couple of weeks. Why wasn't I content with this? I should have been.

The fact of the matter is, I wasn't. In a completely honest moment with myself, I wanted more. However, what's new? Wanting more is something that has always been a part of my struggles.

I have come to the conclusion (and I promise this ties in) that, sometimes, dry seasons mean that we can cross a sea on dry land to something new. Just like Moses and the Red Sea, so our dry seasons lead to newness and safety. I randomly had this revelation early in yesterday's evening while eating dinner on my big comfy couch. It slipped into my head, and I typed it out as not to forget it. Then, I started thinking about it. I opened up to Isaiah 51 and read this strange sort of passage, but the water part made sense, and I realized that the Holy Spirit had been at work in my heart. This was a revelation from God about dry seasons, and He made it clear through His Word like He always does for me, and this time it was in Isaiah 51:


Was it not You who dried up the sea,
The waters of the great deep;
Who made the depths of the sea a pathway
For the redeemed to cross over?
¹¹ So the ransomed of the Lord will return
And come with joyful shouting to Zion,
And everlasting joy will be on their heads.
They will obtain gladness and joy,
And sorrow and sighing will flee away.

¹² “I, even I, am He who comforts you.
Who are you that you are afraid of man who dies
And of the son of man who is made like grass,
¹³ That you have forgotten the Lord your Maker,
Who stretched out the heavens
And laid the foundations of the earth,
That you fear continually all day long because of the fury of the oppressor,
As he makes ready to destroy?
But where is the fury of the oppressor?

The first part is obvious how it interacts with the God-given quote. The rest of it tugs on my heart from another quote I thought up a couple days ago: You can practice choosing joy or practice losing joy--the choice is up to you. 

For such a long time, I have set myself up to easily practice losing joy. I was far away from home for my first year of college. I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and hated the distance part of it. I did not own a car. I did not enjoy some of my classes. I had no clue what my major was going to be. All of these things lined up to create a very sad me. All based on circumstances. All based on wanting more, and not finding my complete joy and assurance in the only One who mattered (and still does). Just as God still matters, not many of my circumstances have changed. I will be back at that same college in the fall. I am still long distance with my boyfriend and away from my family. I still do not own a car. I have bills to pay. However, now, I've had a perspective flip. I am setting myself up, even if it's just in my mind, for choosing joy. Why? Because the season might not be favorable, but it is leading to something MORE that is favorable. Sometimes, looking at the bigger picture shows us that wherever we are right now, we are there for a reason, so that later, we CAN have more! 

So, although I want more in the little things, God knows what is best for me, and is holding out for a much better MORE than I could ever imagine. With that in mind, I can be thankful for last night's outcome. I can be thankful when I pay my current bills so I can build up a good credit score. I can be thankful that I don't own a car so I don't have to pay insurance or gas money. I have no worries about my car breaking down on the interstate. I'm holding out for something so much better. And it's all a part of God's gracious plan for my life. 

"How can I forget, all You've done for me
Everything You've done, Lord, just to set me free!
Teach me how to pray, teach me how to praise
Even in the darkness teach me how to sing Your song."
"Praise the Lord, my soul! Praise his holy name, all that is within me.
Praise the Lord, my soul, and never forget all the good he has done"
 -Psalm 103:1-2