Only God Knows

Have you ever heard someone answer a question with "only God knows?" I know I have plenty of times, and it is usually annoying when the answer is not obvious. If you are anything like me, you are driven crazy by the unknown. You want to be as organized as possible and are constantly in planning mode. You have a planner and write down everything. Well...Sometimes you can be disorganized, but that usually results in immediate termination of the disorganization if you can help it.

These are all little bits and pieces of my "ISFJ" personality. I have been especially intrigued by personalities as of late, and I am learning that these parts of my life are parts of my life not by any level of social learning in my growing up, but instead in who I am and who God created me to be. I say all this to say that I am intricately created by God so much so, that He knows me better than I know myself. He knows exactly why I love to plan even more than I myself do. And it is a good thing, but sometimes the fall of man causes problems in the planning aspect of my life. However, that's an entire other subject for another day.

Basically, what I am getting at is that God knows us better than we know ourselves. And this could be narrowed down to God knows better.

He knows. We don't.

I learned this a little more in the past 24 hours as my college, Oral Roberts University, held a special fall event as they do every year, known as Fall Revival. We have a series of services over the span of two days in which we have no classes and time to rest, or "be revived." The services involve intense and intimate worship and incredible messages full of God's power, Word, and annointing. The first service, I honestly can't tell you more than two words about. It was great, and I know the guest speaker spoke with wisdom and integrity and care, but that was not the sermon in which God tugged on my heart.

It was the two sermons that followed where I was caught off guard completely. God was reminding me that He was not finished with me yet. He reminded me of past hurts and regrets that I had yet to fully deal with because I had yet to invite Him into the situation. They were situations I had completely moved on from, but only out of my own will aside from God's healing power. Due to my personality or being such an organized planner, I feel rather self-sufficient sometimes. Basically, my pride got in the way of my heart being fully healed. I had been hurt by the same church numerous times in ways that to this day seem so unfair to me. It went beyond me and hurt my friends and family as well, which was of a heavier matter to me than just rubbing dirt in a wound. Out of the blue, our college president started talking about matters of students who had been hurt by a church in the past. And when I raised my hand, it was as if God just took it from me and said "it is finished." It was a small, subtle, but incredible moment. God likes to work that way in my life quite often, and I rather enjoy it when He shows up in such ways that I didn't even know I needed Him. It is a humbling reminder that I am in constant need of Him--that HE is my sufficiency. I can't even take care of myself!

Secondly, the service this morning hit on some topics that, once again, I desperately needed to hear without realizing beforehand just how desperate I was to hear them. The biggest announucement of the message was "God has big plans for your life." Especially for someone growing up in a private Christian school, this is a phrase I have heard too often for it to mean anything to me anymore. However, after the refreshing of the Holy Spirit I received upon God's healing my heart, it was like those words were spoken with force for the very first time in my life. I can't make little plans. I'm too much for something small because God lives in me. I am meant for so much more! It goes back to the whole premise of the book I am attempting to write: You ARE valuable! You are called and capable because God made you so!

I just could not hold in the work of God to myself. My prayer is that you do not focus on what has happened, but instead what God can do in the midst of it. He cares for you. You can cast your anxieties on Him and He will make everything work together for the good of those who love Him. Why? Because HE created YOU. With PURPOSE. He probably even created you with some pride! So, since God cares for you, what do you have to worry about? Go live a joyful, big life like God wants you to!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)