Sunday, November 18, 2012
#LateNightRevelations
I was just thinking how these next couple of days do not hold significance for me, and how I just want to make it to Wednesday morning. But then I realized that is only true if I think it to be. Monday and Tuesday do matter. They matter to a lot of people. Like the girl in the ICU after a terrible accident. Or the man who is going in for a big job interview tomorrow. And they need to be days of significance to each of us, too. They might be significant because we are called to pray for those people. Or perhaps we will have the chance to love on those people. Or maybe our day is significant simply because we are alive, and we are God's significant creation. If He woke us up this morning, we were meant to live in this day. Don't let it slip away. Don't miss the reason God created you for the specific today you find yourself in. #LateNightRevelations
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
It's a Third Person Kind of Day...
Chloe sat on her fairly comfy, extra large twin mattress in her dorm room. It was a chilly Wednesday night, and she knew the clock's staring 10:00 eyes were just the dawn of the evening. Much was yet to be accomplished. Much was dreaded. Chloe took a moment to reflect on the events of her day. She divded them into a list of "good's" and "bad's."
I woke up...Plus....At 9.....Plus....And I got to enjoy my first class of the day. Plus. But then I was told my paper wasn't good enough. Not plus. My psychology test is one day closer, and I'm one day's worth my exhausted for the week. Not plus and not plus. Hmmm....
As Chloe continued her thought process about the day's events, she realized she was only putting herself in a downward spiral, discouraging any further potential productivity for her evening. If she wanted to get to studyinng for that psychology test on Friday, she had better stop moping.
Sadly, her emotions of anger from her last thought about the day got to her more. It was the fuel she needed for her fire of thought.
Well, I guess it got better after that. I calmed myself down and turned in another paper. So that's taken care of. And then there was chapel. Dr. Rutland is such a great speaker...But then I went to work. I was dreading it, but that wasn't so bad either. Plus, plus, plus, and plus again.
Chloe was lost in thought when her favorite song started chiming from her computer. The interruption caused her to reach for her psychology book, just to feel better about not doing anything just yet.
Hmmm....After work, I had psychology. I normally enjoy that, but, with this horrid test....Yikes. Maybe I shouldn't have texted my boyfriend that 4-page text of venting from when I was angry about that first paper this morning....But it already happened. Maybe it was a good thing to release my anger. I was angry at myself really. I just need to be smarter.
Chloe then began to feel inadequate and fell deeper into the prison of her thoughts. She melted into her covers, shoulders slumped. She was sure she wouldn't survive college.
...What if I can't pay for college? Then this is even more not worth it. OK, Chloe, don't think about that....It's so hard not to....Well....My day. What else happened? Oh yeah, I tutored that girl in biology. I can see why she doesn't like that class. For being a lab, it sure is boring. And then I was free after that for a while. I did do psychology then....At least a little. After that....Oh! Equestrian! I can't believe next week is our last week for that class! I'm going to miss the stables over Christmas. I guess I had another tutoring session after that. A girl needed her paper proofread. She is someone who is going places. I mean...She probably knew better than me on a lot of that stuff. Gosh...I'm so stupid. I don't know why I thought I could be a good tutor......Well, I better get to psychology. I'm already not going to do very well because I can't do a whole lot right anymore anyway....
Chloe sighed, picked up her book, and got to studying. It had been a hard week and grades were not all lined up the way she wanted them. As she started reading, a tear streaked down her face.
I know this sounds pretty harsh, but this is also the writer in me coming out. And yes, me throwing a bit of a pity party of the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" that I obviously had. However, I had great encouragement in the midst of today, and the Holy Spirit has really prompted me to start thinking differently about myself. Not starting tomorrow. But starting now. Sometimes, I wonder if God uses my miserable days (well, what seems "miserable" to me at the time, but really isn't) and the thoughts that are triggered by such days about inadequacy, fear, and whatever else. I think He likes to use it, though it really is my own pity-partying. The thing is, I think it's almost like Hosea in the Bible. God told him to marry a prostitue. And he did. And then his own wife ran away back to her life of prositution. And he went searching for her. I feel like he was being obedient to God for sure, btu also, maybe in his efforts to be a good husband, he really did fall in love with her. Anyway, I can't help but wonder, just as God used that experience not only to tell Hosea something, but to have Hosea tell other people....What if that's what today's types of days are like for me? What if, in the midst of my negative feelings about myself and pity partying, if I chose to relay the message to you that we can't give into those lies, no matter what experience seems to prove otherwise. When circumstances are put in perspective, they really are kind of silly....Or at least, in most cases, our reactions.
I had to put my thinking in check more than once today. It is a constant battle for me to be confident in my own skin...Being who I am called to be. Don't feel like a failure if you have to put yourself in check more than once a day. At least you put yourself in check when you need to! You have to start somewhere in order to climb at all.
Basically, I wanted to relay the message that pity parties aren't worth it. For one, your thoughts about yourself in those moments are not true. Secondly, you just look stupid in the moment. You will look back at that moment and the person you were in that moment and question "that was me?" You were "that guy" that everyone says not to be for about 10 minutes. It's not worth the time or the energy. It's not worth it to have that party at all.
So, though there is no specific verse to go with this very practical blog entry, I leave you with this window into a Wednesday in the life of me. I do not like Wednesdays this semester. They are long, and hard, and in the middle of the week when I am searching for a breath of fresh air and an adequate amount of sleep. However, just as Dory sings in Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming." :)
Much love, and may you find your value in Christ alone, regardless of how you feel or what you're dealing with, even in the little moments. :) Remember to ask yourself "what's worth it" and just keep swimming!
Chloe
I woke up...Plus....At 9.....Plus....And I got to enjoy my first class of the day. Plus. But then I was told my paper wasn't good enough. Not plus. My psychology test is one day closer, and I'm one day's worth my exhausted for the week. Not plus and not plus. Hmmm....
As Chloe continued her thought process about the day's events, she realized she was only putting herself in a downward spiral, discouraging any further potential productivity for her evening. If she wanted to get to studyinng for that psychology test on Friday, she had better stop moping.
Sadly, her emotions of anger from her last thought about the day got to her more. It was the fuel she needed for her fire of thought.
Well, I guess it got better after that. I calmed myself down and turned in another paper. So that's taken care of. And then there was chapel. Dr. Rutland is such a great speaker...But then I went to work. I was dreading it, but that wasn't so bad either. Plus, plus, plus, and plus again.
Chloe was lost in thought when her favorite song started chiming from her computer. The interruption caused her to reach for her psychology book, just to feel better about not doing anything just yet.
Hmmm....After work, I had psychology. I normally enjoy that, but, with this horrid test....Yikes. Maybe I shouldn't have texted my boyfriend that 4-page text of venting from when I was angry about that first paper this morning....But it already happened. Maybe it was a good thing to release my anger. I was angry at myself really. I just need to be smarter.
Chloe then began to feel inadequate and fell deeper into the prison of her thoughts. She melted into her covers, shoulders slumped. She was sure she wouldn't survive college.
...What if I can't pay for college? Then this is even more not worth it. OK, Chloe, don't think about that....It's so hard not to....Well....My day. What else happened? Oh yeah, I tutored that girl in biology. I can see why she doesn't like that class. For being a lab, it sure is boring. And then I was free after that for a while. I did do psychology then....At least a little. After that....Oh! Equestrian! I can't believe next week is our last week for that class! I'm going to miss the stables over Christmas. I guess I had another tutoring session after that. A girl needed her paper proofread. She is someone who is going places. I mean...She probably knew better than me on a lot of that stuff. Gosh...I'm so stupid. I don't know why I thought I could be a good tutor......Well, I better get to psychology. I'm already not going to do very well because I can't do a whole lot right anymore anyway....
Chloe sighed, picked up her book, and got to studying. It had been a hard week and grades were not all lined up the way she wanted them. As she started reading, a tear streaked down her face.
I know this sounds pretty harsh, but this is also the writer in me coming out. And yes, me throwing a bit of a pity party of the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" that I obviously had. However, I had great encouragement in the midst of today, and the Holy Spirit has really prompted me to start thinking differently about myself. Not starting tomorrow. But starting now. Sometimes, I wonder if God uses my miserable days (well, what seems "miserable" to me at the time, but really isn't) and the thoughts that are triggered by such days about inadequacy, fear, and whatever else. I think He likes to use it, though it really is my own pity-partying. The thing is, I think it's almost like Hosea in the Bible. God told him to marry a prostitue. And he did. And then his own wife ran away back to her life of prositution. And he went searching for her. I feel like he was being obedient to God for sure, btu also, maybe in his efforts to be a good husband, he really did fall in love with her. Anyway, I can't help but wonder, just as God used that experience not only to tell Hosea something, but to have Hosea tell other people....What if that's what today's types of days are like for me? What if, in the midst of my negative feelings about myself and pity partying, if I chose to relay the message to you that we can't give into those lies, no matter what experience seems to prove otherwise. When circumstances are put in perspective, they really are kind of silly....Or at least, in most cases, our reactions.
I had to put my thinking in check more than once today. It is a constant battle for me to be confident in my own skin...Being who I am called to be. Don't feel like a failure if you have to put yourself in check more than once a day. At least you put yourself in check when you need to! You have to start somewhere in order to climb at all.
Basically, I wanted to relay the message that pity parties aren't worth it. For one, your thoughts about yourself in those moments are not true. Secondly, you just look stupid in the moment. You will look back at that moment and the person you were in that moment and question "that was me?" You were "that guy" that everyone says not to be for about 10 minutes. It's not worth the time or the energy. It's not worth it to have that party at all.
So, though there is no specific verse to go with this very practical blog entry, I leave you with this window into a Wednesday in the life of me. I do not like Wednesdays this semester. They are long, and hard, and in the middle of the week when I am searching for a breath of fresh air and an adequate amount of sleep. However, just as Dory sings in Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming." :)
Much love, and may you find your value in Christ alone, regardless of how you feel or what you're dealing with, even in the little moments. :) Remember to ask yourself "what's worth it" and just keep swimming!
Chloe
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Only God Knows
Have you ever heard someone answer a question with "only God knows?" I know I have plenty of times, and it is usually annoying when the answer is not obvious. If you are anything like me, you are driven crazy by the unknown. You want to be as organized as possible and are constantly in planning mode. You have a planner and write down everything. Well...Sometimes you can be disorganized, but that usually results in immediate termination of the disorganization if you can help it.
These are all little bits and pieces of my "ISFJ" personality. I have been especially intrigued by personalities as of late, and I am learning that these parts of my life are parts of my life not by any level of social learning in my growing up, but instead in who I am and who God created me to be. I say all this to say that I am intricately created by God so much so, that He knows me better than I know myself. He knows exactly why I love to plan even more than I myself do. And it is a good thing, but sometimes the fall of man causes problems in the planning aspect of my life. However, that's an entire other subject for another day.
Basically, what I am getting at is that God knows us better than we know ourselves. And this could be narrowed down to God knows better.
He knows. We don't.
I learned this a little more in the past 24 hours as my college, Oral Roberts University, held a special fall event as they do every year, known as Fall Revival. We have a series of services over the span of two days in which we have no classes and time to rest, or "be revived." The services involve intense and intimate worship and incredible messages full of God's power, Word, and annointing. The first service, I honestly can't tell you more than two words about. It was great, and I know the guest speaker spoke with wisdom and integrity and care, but that was not the sermon in which God tugged on my heart.
It was the two sermons that followed where I was caught off guard completely. God was reminding me that He was not finished with me yet. He reminded me of past hurts and regrets that I had yet to fully deal with because I had yet to invite Him into the situation. They were situations I had completely moved on from, but only out of my own will aside from God's healing power. Due to my personality or being such an organized planner, I feel rather self-sufficient sometimes. Basically, my pride got in the way of my heart being fully healed. I had been hurt by the same church numerous times in ways that to this day seem so unfair to me. It went beyond me and hurt my friends and family as well, which was of a heavier matter to me than just rubbing dirt in a wound. Out of the blue, our college president started talking about matters of students who had been hurt by a church in the past. And when I raised my hand, it was as if God just took it from me and said "it is finished." It was a small, subtle, but incredible moment. God likes to work that way in my life quite often, and I rather enjoy it when He shows up in such ways that I didn't even know I needed Him. It is a humbling reminder that I am in constant need of Him--that HE is my sufficiency. I can't even take care of myself!
Secondly, the service this morning hit on some topics that, once again, I desperately needed to hear without realizing beforehand just how desperate I was to hear them. The biggest announucement of the message was "God has big plans for your life." Especially for someone growing up in a private Christian school, this is a phrase I have heard too often for it to mean anything to me anymore. However, after the refreshing of the Holy Spirit I received upon God's healing my heart, it was like those words were spoken with force for the very first time in my life. I can't make little plans. I'm too much for something small because God lives in me. I am meant for so much more! It goes back to the whole premise of the book I am attempting to write: You ARE valuable! You are called and capable because God made you so!
I just could not hold in the work of God to myself. My prayer is that you do not focus on what has happened, but instead what God can do in the midst of it. He cares for you. You can cast your anxieties on Him and He will make everything work together for the good of those who love Him. Why? Because HE created YOU. With PURPOSE. He probably even created you with some pride! So, since God cares for you, what do you have to worry about? Go live a joyful, big life like God wants you to!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
These are all little bits and pieces of my "ISFJ" personality. I have been especially intrigued by personalities as of late, and I am learning that these parts of my life are parts of my life not by any level of social learning in my growing up, but instead in who I am and who God created me to be. I say all this to say that I am intricately created by God so much so, that He knows me better than I know myself. He knows exactly why I love to plan even more than I myself do. And it is a good thing, but sometimes the fall of man causes problems in the planning aspect of my life. However, that's an entire other subject for another day.
Basically, what I am getting at is that God knows us better than we know ourselves. And this could be narrowed down to God knows better.
He knows. We don't.
I learned this a little more in the past 24 hours as my college, Oral Roberts University, held a special fall event as they do every year, known as Fall Revival. We have a series of services over the span of two days in which we have no classes and time to rest, or "be revived." The services involve intense and intimate worship and incredible messages full of God's power, Word, and annointing. The first service, I honestly can't tell you more than two words about. It was great, and I know the guest speaker spoke with wisdom and integrity and care, but that was not the sermon in which God tugged on my heart.
It was the two sermons that followed where I was caught off guard completely. God was reminding me that He was not finished with me yet. He reminded me of past hurts and regrets that I had yet to fully deal with because I had yet to invite Him into the situation. They were situations I had completely moved on from, but only out of my own will aside from God's healing power. Due to my personality or being such an organized planner, I feel rather self-sufficient sometimes. Basically, my pride got in the way of my heart being fully healed. I had been hurt by the same church numerous times in ways that to this day seem so unfair to me. It went beyond me and hurt my friends and family as well, which was of a heavier matter to me than just rubbing dirt in a wound. Out of the blue, our college president started talking about matters of students who had been hurt by a church in the past. And when I raised my hand, it was as if God just took it from me and said "it is finished." It was a small, subtle, but incredible moment. God likes to work that way in my life quite often, and I rather enjoy it when He shows up in such ways that I didn't even know I needed Him. It is a humbling reminder that I am in constant need of Him--that HE is my sufficiency. I can't even take care of myself!
Secondly, the service this morning hit on some topics that, once again, I desperately needed to hear without realizing beforehand just how desperate I was to hear them. The biggest announucement of the message was "God has big plans for your life." Especially for someone growing up in a private Christian school, this is a phrase I have heard too often for it to mean anything to me anymore. However, after the refreshing of the Holy Spirit I received upon God's healing my heart, it was like those words were spoken with force for the very first time in my life. I can't make little plans. I'm too much for something small because God lives in me. I am meant for so much more! It goes back to the whole premise of the book I am attempting to write: You ARE valuable! You are called and capable because God made you so!
I just could not hold in the work of God to myself. My prayer is that you do not focus on what has happened, but instead what God can do in the midst of it. He cares for you. You can cast your anxieties on Him and He will make everything work together for the good of those who love Him. Why? Because HE created YOU. With PURPOSE. He probably even created you with some pride! So, since God cares for you, what do you have to worry about? Go live a joyful, big life like God wants you to!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
And Sometimes....
And sometimes, prayer is the only thing there is to do. And yet, it is always the best thing to do; even when other options stand so conveniently.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Crazy-Busy Life!
Sometimes, the quiet places are where things make the most
sense. Other times, God makes it painfully clear in the middle of our ongoing,
crazy-busy lives. Either way, God's will prevails, and His clarity is sure. We
just don’t always see it. Why? Because we are too enveloped in quietness or,
dare I say, confusion (the crazy-busy lifestyle). I cannot help but wonder in
the midst of my decision making if I could make wiser decisions had a more
solemn moment to spend with my Heavenly Father. Were I to quiet my soul, would
I hear His voice?
The answer seems so simple.
And yet life just keeps pushing and pulling me on, not
giving me much of a chance.
This sounds like a lot of the world, does it not?
Well, there is a really cool fact about this.
Life does not have
the reigns if you do.
You don’t have to let life push and pull you through. First
of all, you should let God lead you. Second of all, you can do that by allowing
yourself 1) Time for Him, 2) Time to think, and 3) Time to yourself.
Easier said than done, right?
Well, actually, it is pretty easy. There’s just no fancy way
to say choose, as my high school Bible teacher would say. You have to make time—and
trust me, you have time. We each have over 160 hours a week. Assuming with all
of our complaints about how little sleep we each get per night, we will say
about 48 hours of that time is for sleep. 3 hours a day for meals is more than
sufficient, taking out total of 48 used hours up to a whopping grand total of 69
used hours. You are just shy of 100 hours left. If you work or attend school,
we will assume another 40 hours or so of your time is taken away, landing you
at about 50 hours still within your week. Church and work? You probably have
about 25 hours left. If you work out 5 times a week, then you’re down to 20
hours a week. The 40 hours for school does keep in mind the time spent outside
of class on homework. However, after eating, sleeping, learning, working,
church-attending, and working out, you still have plenty of time in your day to
socialize, relax….And spend time with your Creator. Spend time getting to know
Him, allowing Him to speak to you…To bring clarity to your blurry picture, to
add perspective to the fine-tuned moments.
20 hours envelopes almost an entire day’s worth of time
(without even sleeping!). You have time. You just have to decide where it goes.
It boils down to priorities. I can honestly say I am overwhelmed with a crazy
busy lifestyle that is still unsure of what it will be crazy-busy with. Will I
work 17 hours a week or will I help lead an outreach? Will I do both on top of
being a part of dorm floor leadership and being an honor society club
secretary?? Am I out of my mind? All this on top of 17 credit hours? What
should I do and what shouldn’t I do? I have way too many options—some already
(happily) set in stone! This is where
the peace of God and the quiet moments spent in His presence come into play. We
need that. We need Him. And He needs us to listen so we can do what He created
us for…To be free. To enjoy life doing what He knows will suit us (and others)
best. So why don’t we give Him more time? It seems so… Simple!
It may be hard at first, but I can guarantee it will pay off
in the long run. So hang in there and have time with God. You will save
yourself some heartache if you allow His presence, His wisdom, His peace,
to envelope who you are.
It has brought me a great deal of peace in the midst of my
crazy-busy life full of school, work, searching for more work, making decisions
on what I can and cannot handle this year…God is good. And He wants you to know
His goodness in every situation you face.
“So let’s not get tired of doing
what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we
don’t give up.”
Saturday, July 14, 2012
The Depths of Self-Respect
There is something so mysterious, romantic, and intriguing about a relationship with God that is beyond my capacity to understand, beyond my ability to bear, and simply something that is beyond who I am. His love enhances who I am so much so, that without His love, I would be nothing. His belief in me as a person and what I am capable of is so strong that it is truth. His smile over the tiniest glimpse of me in His thoughts....Absolutely beautiful.
God has created us, called us, died for us, thought about us constantly and preciously (and still does and will continue to), and He loves you and values you because of who you are. These are all thoughts I recently spoke to junior high students about. The cool part about them is, that they are not just for junior high students, and in fact, these are truths about each and every one of us, God's beloved children. God is great, and so are we. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and in the same way God longs for us and is great, we have a God-shaped hole in us that longs for Him, and we are great because of Him. However, until we have that hole filled up with God, it is hard to comprehend our value in Christ at all--even then, it is a long-term process of truly understanding our value and why we should have self-respect.
Why am I so revved up about this? Why am I blogging about this?
Back in middle school, I struggled with filling this God shaped hole. I tried seeking for affirmation from my parents and performing in sports, instruments, and academics. However, based on just a few simple words my parents said or in some cases didn't say, I went searching elsewhere for validation and the feelings that come from knowing someone values you. Sadly, I leaned towards dating to try and fill up the void inside of me that so longed for intimacy. Although I knew about God and believed in what the Bible said and what Christ had done for me, I was not truly in a relationship with Him. I was still doing my own thing obviously. And it seemed to work for a while.
A few months in, however, the truth set me free. Dating* led to heart ache.I remembered verses from church about God being a healer, and I ran to Him. As I began to read His Word fairly consistently, I learned truths about who I was in Christ, and how valuable I was to God my Heavenly Father. It made no difference what I had accomplished--good or bad. All that mattered was that He loved me and He wanted me to know it. I don't have to perform via sports, academics, or music to be good enough. I should want to glorify God by doing these things, but they are not where I place my value. I place it in my finite, faithful, loving, great God who sent His Son to die for me, because He already saw me as worth dying for, even in the midst of doing so much wrong and running from Him towards things like dating guys or playing sports. I didn't have to be good enough for Him, but because He died on the cross, I was made good enough. I was made righteous the moment I chose Him and accepted what He did for me and received the love He so longed to lavish on me.
So. This is a little bit of my story. And I am so excited to say how much value I hold and how much I respect myself. I do not walk in a cocky sense, but in a confident sense of who I am in Christ, knowing that I was created by the Maker of the universe. When I say self-respect, I mean wearing clothes that show that I am waiting for marriage--that I am not a prize easily won by just any man. My boyfriend and I do not even kiss yet because we are waiting until engagement, because we value and respect each other. I do not allow myself to do certain things or watch certain movies or eat or drink too much and work out too little. Why? All because I value who I am. My body is a temple--GOD'S temple. Jesus Christ lives in me. My body is a living sacrifice, sacred and holy, and I need to honor God with it. I need to take care of it. I need to take care of myself emotionally and guard my heart. This all stems from a heart that knows her Creator. I get it. I'm important. And I am going to treat myself like a daughter of the King. This is the kind of self-respect I pray and long that every woman who reads this will grasp. And perhaps I have a wider audience than just young women. Either way, that is my prayer and longing that you begin to understand how wide, deep, long, and high is the love of God (Ephesians 3:18-19)
*My definition of dating here means not really in any exclusive relationship, but instead skipping from guy to guy, not really having anything set in stone. It was and still is a very emotionally upsetting process.
Verses/Passages to look up:
God has created us, called us, died for us, thought about us constantly and preciously (and still does and will continue to), and He loves you and values you because of who you are. These are all thoughts I recently spoke to junior high students about. The cool part about them is, that they are not just for junior high students, and in fact, these are truths about each and every one of us, God's beloved children. God is great, and so are we. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and in the same way God longs for us and is great, we have a God-shaped hole in us that longs for Him, and we are great because of Him. However, until we have that hole filled up with God, it is hard to comprehend our value in Christ at all--even then, it is a long-term process of truly understanding our value and why we should have self-respect.
Why am I so revved up about this? Why am I blogging about this?
Back in middle school, I struggled with filling this God shaped hole. I tried seeking for affirmation from my parents and performing in sports, instruments, and academics. However, based on just a few simple words my parents said or in some cases didn't say, I went searching elsewhere for validation and the feelings that come from knowing someone values you. Sadly, I leaned towards dating to try and fill up the void inside of me that so longed for intimacy. Although I knew about God and believed in what the Bible said and what Christ had done for me, I was not truly in a relationship with Him. I was still doing my own thing obviously. And it seemed to work for a while.
A few months in, however, the truth set me free. Dating* led to heart ache.I remembered verses from church about God being a healer, and I ran to Him. As I began to read His Word fairly consistently, I learned truths about who I was in Christ, and how valuable I was to God my Heavenly Father. It made no difference what I had accomplished--good or bad. All that mattered was that He loved me and He wanted me to know it. I don't have to perform via sports, academics, or music to be good enough. I should want to glorify God by doing these things, but they are not where I place my value. I place it in my finite, faithful, loving, great God who sent His Son to die for me, because He already saw me as worth dying for, even in the midst of doing so much wrong and running from Him towards things like dating guys or playing sports. I didn't have to be good enough for Him, but because He died on the cross, I was made good enough. I was made righteous the moment I chose Him and accepted what He did for me and received the love He so longed to lavish on me.
So. This is a little bit of my story. And I am so excited to say how much value I hold and how much I respect myself. I do not walk in a cocky sense, but in a confident sense of who I am in Christ, knowing that I was created by the Maker of the universe. When I say self-respect, I mean wearing clothes that show that I am waiting for marriage--that I am not a prize easily won by just any man. My boyfriend and I do not even kiss yet because we are waiting until engagement, because we value and respect each other. I do not allow myself to do certain things or watch certain movies or eat or drink too much and work out too little. Why? All because I value who I am. My body is a temple--GOD'S temple. Jesus Christ lives in me. My body is a living sacrifice, sacred and holy, and I need to honor God with it. I need to take care of it. I need to take care of myself emotionally and guard my heart. This all stems from a heart that knows her Creator. I get it. I'm important. And I am going to treat myself like a daughter of the King. This is the kind of self-respect I pray and long that every woman who reads this will grasp. And perhaps I have a wider audience than just young women. Either way, that is my prayer and longing that you begin to understand how wide, deep, long, and high is the love of God (Ephesians 3:18-19)
*My definition of dating here means not really in any exclusive relationship, but instead skipping from guy to guy, not really having anything set in stone. It was and still is a very emotionally upsetting process.
Verses/Passages to look up:
Psalm
139:13-14: For you [God] created my inmost being; you knit me together in my
mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your
works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm
139:15-16: My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret
place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my
unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before
one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:17-18: How precious to me are your
thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would
outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you
Ephesians
3:17b-19: …And I pray that, you, being rooted and established in love, may have
power together with all the Lord’s people, to grasp how wide and long and high
and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that
you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Luke 7:36-50: Story of the woman and the alabaster
box
Romans
5:8: But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still
sinners, Christ died for us.
1
Corinthians 3:16-17 Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and
that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God
will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that
temple.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
I want MORE
I have this problem of always wanting more. Sometimes, it's a good thing in terms of motivation. Other times, it' s a horrible thing because I am never content. For example, last night my boyfriend went to a baseball game. I had a good friend in town and we got to walk around downtown Naperville last night. However, even though she bought me ice cream and I was enjoying being with her, part of me still yearned to be at that baseball game. Why? I wanted more fun. I wanted more thrill. And yes...I did want the company of my boyfriend.
Although the last reason holds some validity to want to be at the baseball game with Aaron, that is no excuse for me not to enjoy being right where I was at last night. I made some great memories. Sarah bought me ice cream. I got to meet her friend and make a new friend in doing so. It was my first time seeing Sarah in a couple of weeks. Why wasn't I content with this? I should have been.
The fact of the matter is, I wasn't. In a completely honest moment with myself, I wanted more. However, what's new? Wanting more is something that has always been a part of my struggles.
I have come to the conclusion (and I promise this ties in) that,
Was it not You who dried up the sea,
The waters of the great deep;
Who made the depths of the sea a pathway
For the redeemed to cross over?
11 So the ransomed of the Lord will return
And come with joyful shouting to Zion,
And everlasting joy will be on their heads.
They will obtain gladness and joy,
And sorrow and sighing will flee away.
Although the last reason holds some validity to want to be at the baseball game with Aaron, that is no excuse for me not to enjoy being right where I was at last night. I made some great memories. Sarah bought me ice cream. I got to meet her friend and make a new friend in doing so. It was my first time seeing Sarah in a couple of weeks. Why wasn't I content with this? I should have been.
The fact of the matter is, I wasn't. In a completely honest moment with myself, I wanted more. However, what's new? Wanting more is something that has always been a part of my struggles.
I have come to the conclusion (and I promise this ties in) that,
Was it not You who dried up the sea,
The waters of the great deep;
Who made the depths of the sea a pathway
For the redeemed to cross over?
11 So the ransomed of the Lord will return
And come with joyful shouting to Zion,
And everlasting joy will be on their heads.
They will obtain gladness and joy,
And sorrow and sighing will flee away.
12 “I, even I, am He who comforts you.
Who are you that you are afraid of man who dies
And of the son of man who is made like grass,
13 That you have forgotten the Lord your Maker,
Who stretched out the heavens
And laid the foundations of the earth,
That you fear continually all day long because of the fury of the oppressor,
As he makes ready to destroy?
But where is the fury of the oppressor?
The first part is obvious how it interacts with the God-given quote. The rest of it tugs on my heart from another quote I thought up a couple days ago: You can practice choosing joy or practice losing joy--the choice is up to you.
For such a long time, I have set myself up to easily practice losing joy. I was far away from home for my first year of college. I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and hated the distance part of it. I did not own a car. I did not enjoy some of my classes. I had no clue what my major was going to be. All of these things lined up to create a very sad me. All based on circumstances. All based on wanting more, and not finding my complete joy and assurance in the only One who mattered (and still does). Just as God still matters, not many of my circumstances have changed. I will be back at that same college in the fall. I am still long distance with my boyfriend and away from my family. I still do not own a car. I have bills to pay. However, now, I've had a perspective flip. I am setting myself up, even if it's just in my mind, for choosing joy. Why? Because the season might not be favorable, but it is leading to something MORE that is favorable. Sometimes, looking at the bigger picture shows us that wherever we are right now, we are there for a reason, so that later, we CAN have more!
So, although I want more in the little things, God knows what is best for me, and is holding out for a much better MORE than I could ever imagine. With that in mind, I can be thankful for last night's outcome. I can be thankful when I pay my current bills so I can build up a good credit score. I can be thankful that I don't own a car so I don't have to pay insurance or gas money. I have no worries about my car breaking down on the interstate. I'm holding out for something so much better. And it's all a part of God's gracious plan for my life.
"How can I forget, all You've done for me
Everything You've done, Lord, just to set me free!
Teach me how to pray, teach me how to praise
Even in the darkness teach me how to sing Your song."
"Praise the Lord, my soul! Praise his holy name, all that is within me.
Praise the Lord, my soul, and never forget all the good he has done"
-Psalm 103:1-2
Who are you that you are afraid of man who dies
And of the son of man who is made like grass,
13 That you have forgotten the Lord your Maker,
Who stretched out the heavens
And laid the foundations of the earth,
That you fear continually all day long because of the fury of the oppressor,
As he makes ready to destroy?
But where is the fury of the oppressor?
The first part is obvious how it interacts with the God-given quote. The rest of it tugs on my heart from another quote I thought up a couple days ago: You can practice choosing joy or practice losing joy--the choice is up to you.
For such a long time, I have set myself up to easily practice losing joy. I was far away from home for my first year of college. I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and hated the distance part of it. I did not own a car. I did not enjoy some of my classes. I had no clue what my major was going to be. All of these things lined up to create a very sad me. All based on circumstances. All based on wanting more, and not finding my complete joy and assurance in the only One who mattered (and still does). Just as God still matters, not many of my circumstances have changed. I will be back at that same college in the fall. I am still long distance with my boyfriend and away from my family. I still do not own a car. I have bills to pay. However, now, I've had a perspective flip. I am setting myself up, even if it's just in my mind, for choosing joy. Why? Because the season might not be favorable, but it is leading to something MORE that is favorable. Sometimes, looking at the bigger picture shows us that wherever we are right now, we are there for a reason, so that later, we CAN have more!
So, although I want more in the little things, God knows what is best for me, and is holding out for a much better MORE than I could ever imagine. With that in mind, I can be thankful for last night's outcome. I can be thankful when I pay my current bills so I can build up a good credit score. I can be thankful that I don't own a car so I don't have to pay insurance or gas money. I have no worries about my car breaking down on the interstate. I'm holding out for something so much better. And it's all a part of God's gracious plan for my life.
"How can I forget, all You've done for me
Everything You've done, Lord, just to set me free!
Teach me how to pray, teach me how to praise
Even in the darkness teach me how to sing Your song."
"Praise the Lord, my soul! Praise his holy name, all that is within me.
Praise the Lord, my soul, and never forget all the good he has done"
-Psalm 103:1-2
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Shared Progression
Dear Reader,
I have made more progress in my book! However, it is not the typical progress you might expect from someone authoring a book. If you have ever sat down to write a book about a specific topic, then you know how traumatizing ordering the chapters and organizing what goes where can be. In all honesty, I can write all day on each topic my book will contain, but when it comes to organizing in such a way as to make the book flow, I am lost.
Upon reading that, you might have yet another question: How have I made progress if this is such a stumping process? I have found a friend who loves to edit any and all sorts of writing! We sat down together a few nights ago and chugged through my book and chapter outlines. Already being exhausted from hanging out with junior high students all day at a church camp (a church I am interning for this summer), I was ready for bed, but she insisted. Her name is Ashleigh, and without her, I would not have a sturdy outline working for me....For The Process of a Pearl!
It took roughly an hour and a half of discussing what should go where and what I meant when I had previously typed out certain comments throughout the outline. We prayerfully considered the topics and their order, and what each topic would contain (since some of them could have similar sub-topics). As you can see, Reader, this is not an easy process. I am so thankful for Ashleigh's willingness and giftedness to help in such an area as this. It has already made a huge difference in my confidence for the book itself.
This goes to show how important accountable friendships are. Without them, can you truly move along in life, allowing yourself to view various situations through different perspectives? Many times, our vision is skewed by our circumstances, our upbringing, and even our environment (friendship circles, where we hang out, our work place, where we spend our time, thought, talk, and treasures). Other people can bring a new light into the equation, causing us to see things differently and learn something new. Accountability can keep us working out when we don't feel like it. Friendships bring encouragement when life throws its worst our way.
Just a thought I had in the midst of updating you, Reader...A thought that stemmed from the status-sharing of my book! I love being able to post about the progress of my book and be able to incorporate a life lesson as well. God is so good for how He provides and so much more!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
9 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. 10 For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. 11 Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? 12 And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
I have made more progress in my book! However, it is not the typical progress you might expect from someone authoring a book. If you have ever sat down to write a book about a specific topic, then you know how traumatizing ordering the chapters and organizing what goes where can be. In all honesty, I can write all day on each topic my book will contain, but when it comes to organizing in such a way as to make the book flow, I am lost.
Upon reading that, you might have yet another question: How have I made progress if this is such a stumping process? I have found a friend who loves to edit any and all sorts of writing! We sat down together a few nights ago and chugged through my book and chapter outlines. Already being exhausted from hanging out with junior high students all day at a church camp (a church I am interning for this summer), I was ready for bed, but she insisted. Her name is Ashleigh, and without her, I would not have a sturdy outline working for me....For The Process of a Pearl!
It took roughly an hour and a half of discussing what should go where and what I meant when I had previously typed out certain comments throughout the outline. We prayerfully considered the topics and their order, and what each topic would contain (since some of them could have similar sub-topics). As you can see, Reader, this is not an easy process. I am so thankful for Ashleigh's willingness and giftedness to help in such an area as this. It has already made a huge difference in my confidence for the book itself.
This goes to show how important accountable friendships are. Without them, can you truly move along in life, allowing yourself to view various situations through different perspectives? Many times, our vision is skewed by our circumstances, our upbringing, and even our environment (friendship circles, where we hang out, our work place, where we spend our time, thought, talk, and treasures). Other people can bring a new light into the equation, causing us to see things differently and learn something new. Accountability can keep us working out when we don't feel like it. Friendships bring encouragement when life throws its worst our way.
Just a thought I had in the midst of updating you, Reader...A thought that stemmed from the status-sharing of my book! I love being able to post about the progress of my book and be able to incorporate a life lesson as well. God is so good for how He provides and so much more!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
9 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. 10 For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. 11 Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? 12 And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Not Writer's Block....Just a Block.
As I truly begin to embark on writing this book, I cannot
help but wonder how it will ever get done. The only hope I have is knowing that
God starts what He finishes, and He put this desire to write such a book in me
for a reason. Every idea in this book, as an honest disclaimer, is not my own. I
try to make the real source known whenever possible. If the source or person is
not stated around the material, it is Holy-Spirit inspired. Okay, a few parts
might just be me getting passionate. I’m human, too. I challenge you as the
reader not to believe everything I say. Make up your own mind on the issues
discussed in this book and study Scripture yourself! I challenge you not to
stand and criticize my writing, but instead to make something of it. Write me a
letter. Blog about it. Letting your opinion be known is a powerful and
God-given tool when used healthily and with right motives. I love feedback. I
love correction and improving things through God’s original plan of unity: People
working together with the goal of loving Him in mind. My book will not be
published for who knows how long, but one thing I know is this: If my goal is
to publish this book by the time I graduate college, I need to get more than 2
chapters done per year (which is what I accomplished in this past year).
You see, dear reader, I am at a stumbling block—no, not a
writer’s block. I have come to a point in my writing this book where I need to
share my testimony on some serious areas in my life. The problem? I am finding
it very difficult to be open about. Some of my past, not many people know
about. Have I changed? Praise the Lord, I indeed have, but only by His healing
power and grace. I want to make that hope known to other young women across America—perhaps
even on the other side of the world. I want to make that hope known in Spanish
as well. I want the hope of God’s healing power and grace to spread across this
world…For girls to see a new life is possible. Why then, if I am so passionate
about this being known, is revealing my past so hard?
As I write this book, I conclude this book-blog with a
simple question. Will you be in prayer for me? Even if it’s just right now. For
30 seconds. Your prayers would mean the world to me. And perhaps they will help
further God’s kingdom and the knowledge of what He is so good at…Loving His
children regardless.
Thank you for reading and for your prayers. The Process of a
Pearl is truly
a healing process for me, as I hope that God uses it to be a healing power for
other young women across the globe, too.
Psalm 103:2-5
Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
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